You know what I hate? Well, I hate garlic, I hate rain, I hate when people tickle the bottom of my feet, it drives me crazy. But most of all, I hate when people make fun of my teeth. Even my parents can get a little hostile when it comes to my pearly…yellows. I mean, nobody likes brushing their teeth. Even a dentist’s kid doesn’t like brushing his teeth. Well, on second thought…they probably hate it more than anyone. It’s only logical that a dentist would be extra strict about it…I mean, imagine growing up a dentist’s kid with bad teeth. Must be hell.

Why don’t we just have beaks? Like birds? Cause I’ve never seen a bird brush their beak or anything, they just eat and fly away. Well, I take it back, nobody wants to eat worms and beetles and stuff like that. What about a dog’s teeth? Yes, of course. I’ve never seen my dog brush her teeth. Unless she has some things that she doesn’t tell us. No, it’s not possible. I am her closest confident. And she gets to eat steak, and sugar, and all that spicy baloney…then she just goes out into the back yard, squats for a second or two, and doesn’t hesitate before coming back inside. I call shenanigans. There’s no way these animals can get away with doing all this stuff without taking any blows to their physical being. I mean, they don’t even smell that bad. They never wash, and I’ve never seen a dog use TP.


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