For the most part, road trips are enjoyable. All I really need is a good pair of headphones and a few hours of downloaded music, and it’s a good time. But after about six hours, things start to go downhill. I start to wonder if the extreme pain in my lower back correlates somehow with my exploding bladder.

Because I’m just a young lad, I spend most road trips in the back seat. If my sister is in the car, I lose any hope of stretching out. But if I get lucky, I usually end up with my head crammed up against the window with my head at a solid 90 degree angle to the rest of my body. Not to mention the bad case of sweaty feet that can only be cured by taking off my shoes, which I put back on after a couple of seconds cause my feet get cold.

And then, of course, there’s that time on every road trip when you drive by a skunk, and the smell lingers for half an hour even though no windows were ever open to begin with…skunks are incredible creatures, ya know? I wish I could spray out a horrible gas whenever somebody I don’t like approaches me. Maybe humans have it all wrong with perfume and deodorant. It’s time we turn our existence around.

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