I’ve been skiing since I was one and a half years old. Well, if you count sitting in a North Face backpack while your grandfather shreds the mountains out West, then yeah, one and a half. If you don’t count that, then probably about two. Yeah, that’s right. Well, that is if you count going up the little moving rubber ramp and then skiing down with your legs tilted at an unnatural angle, and falling at the bottom. That counts. I’m pretty sure that counts. Stop questioning me, alright? I’m just trying to write, here.

Anyway, I’ve been skiing since I was one and a half. So you can imagine my excitement when I learned that there was a middle school ski trip at my East Coast school. Thing is, school ski trips can end up being a total letdown. Here’s why.

From the day you hear about the trip, you’ll think, “Dude, this is going to be awesome! I’m gonna get to show off all my sick 360 jumps to my bros!” Yeah…sorry sixth grade Ben, that’s not how it works. Cause once you get skiing, you realize you were the only one who was listening when they introduced it as a ski trip, as supposed to a buy-expensive-candy-and-drink-hot-chocolate-with-your-friends-then-go-tubing trip. And that one friend you planned on skiing with? He’ll leave you behind. Or you’ll leave him behind. And then you’ll find out two hours later that he saw the trip as an opportunity to hang out with his girlfriend, and that you are, in fact, all alone.

There is one good thing about the ski trip, and that’s the part where you get to watch all your friends who can’t ski hit the slopes for the first time. I won’t name anyone, but one of the funniest moments of my life was watching an unnamed buddy of mine slip and fall into a pile of brown snow on the side of a bunny hill. Actually, I think it was a terrain park, and I was doing jumps next to him. Wow, I was a total jerk.

But you know what? You can’t get discouraged. You’ve gotta get out there and ski by yourself until your teeth chatter, your toes turn blue, and the bus almost leaves without you. Also, don’t buy anything from the lodge or you’ll have to declare bankruptcy. I swear to god, how much does the guy who drives the Sour Patch Kid truck get paid? There’s gotta be a better way.

One more thing. Bus wifi sucks. Bring a deck of cards and some cash, you might as well play a bit of blackjack on the way there.

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