What do you do when you have absolutely no idea what to write? I know what I do. I mean, everyone has a different strategy, but mine is undeniably the best. ever.

  1. Get bowl of vanilla ice cream
  2. Get some chocolate chips from basement
  3. Put chocolate chips on vanilla ice cream
  4. Watch Teen Wolf until eyes turn red

Yep, there’s no better way to spark my comedic creativity than to watch a horror show about a teenage boy who periodically turns into a werewolf. Then again, one of my friends has a different strategy:

  1. Start eating chips

And that’s it. Yeah, he has a pretty fast metabolism. Or does he? Come to think of it…oh my god, Fredo, how much do you weigh nowadays? Jesus christ, man! You need to stop with the chips! I mean, at least get that kind with less calories?

Well you may be thinking, “Ben, those are great strategies. I mean, great strategies. But wouldn’t a better one be to get some other work done?” Hell no. Work? Are you trying to build a twenty foot wall between your head and your pencil? The point of the strategies is to spark your creativity. What better way to do that than eating, and watching stuff, and eating more stuff?

Well, look. If you’re not going to take my advice, take any great writer’s advice. Shakespeare’s, for example. When he could think of a good line, what do you think he did? I can tell you, he didn’t do homework. Now, if I’m not mistaken, this question can be answered in your everyday encyclop…why yes…here it is! The book reads, “When facing writer’s block, Shakespeare would often retire to his study, where he would sit in a nice chair and draw pictures of cats.”

Well then. Anyway, in the interest of not contradicting myself, I’ll just say it once more. Everyone has their own strategy.

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