“What superpower would you have?”
This question always tricks me into thinking I have a goddamned choice. It’s not like I’m gonna say “Flying!” and the heavens are going to bestow upon me the power of flight. Nope, I’m gonna be the exact same, bland, boring human being after I answer the question. So why not have some fun? What is the most random, useless, ludicrous power I can think off? Well, I am Ben de Plume, the boy with the infinitely useless imagination, so, of course, I have the answer. It’s the power to know the exact proximity of the nearest cement mixing truck.
There is no use for this power. It’s not even a little bit cool! I mean, even the power to make Advil levitate is at least a little bit interesting. Can knowing the proximity of the nearest cement mixing truck even be called a superpower? It’s more like a strange…ability, I guess I’d call it.
“Would you even want that power? Like, if the heavens were like, ‘bro, how would you like to be able to tell exactly how close the nearest cement mixing truck is anytime you want?’ Would you, like, take it, bro?”
My initial reaction was yes, my reasoning being that I might be able to win a few bets or something. Then I realized that nobody is going to bet on cement trucks anyway. It might be fun for an afternoon, but…wait a minute. It could make a good movie ending. Like, they have the bad guys trapped but they need a cement truck to pour cement on them so they can’t escape…Call the Marvel people, I have an idea for a new Avenger!